Nascence

Opinions abound on the appointment of Marissa Mayer as Yahoo’s next CEO and the news she is carrying her first child. As the story unfolded last week, my emotions ran the gamut:  Excitement that yet another woman has made it into the highest leadership spot. Annoyance that we’re even wasting a minute comparing her situation to the struggles faced by working mothers much further down the food chain. Green-eyed envy over everything this woman has accomplished at only 37 years old. And sympathy.   

When I got to the heart of the matter, all I could think about was how Mayer must have felt, wanting the job so badly, knowing she was pregnant, and wondering how her prospective employer would respond when she told them. I’ve been in that place. 

Fifteen years ago when I was carrying my youngest I was offered a new job.  I was miserable where I was at, but had resigned myself to wait it out until after the baby was born.  Who would hire me just months away from giving birth?  Coveted by a client who knew and respected my work, I was enticed with my first-ever leadership role as Director of Design and Construction.  Wow, did I want that job!  It was for more money.  It was closer to home which meant more time with my kids.  I would manage a team. I couldn’t have found anything better at the time if I tried. Yet my blood ran cold at the thought of disclosing my situation.  Would they still want me? 

This is not the way a woman should be thinking when expecting a child.  It’s supposed to be an incredibly joyful time in her life.  Instead she’s conflicted about how this will impact her career and whether she may lose out on a really good opportunity because she’s made a choice in her personal life that can’t, by its very nature, be kept personal. And if she is successful in securing the role, will people question whether she can cut it?  What man would that ever happen to?

Bringing a new life into the world is a gift.  There is no doubt about it.  If you’ve ever carried a baby inside of you, you know what I mean.  It is awe inspiring to think that a human being can be a vessel capable of such a magnificent creation.  And like any gift, it comes with responsibility; the obligation to nurture and care for that life. The instincts to do just that are innate to women.  The mother who denies her child the gift of herself is an anomaly.

Do I think Mayer is kidding herself when she told Fortune magazine "My maternity leave will be a few weeks long, and I'll work throughout it" ?  Yep. It’s my belief that when a child is born, a mother is created.  She can’t possibly know how she’ll feel or what she’ll do until she cradles that precious baby in her arms. None of us do. She’ll figure it out. And whatever she decides needs to be okay. 

Women are designed to feel responsibility toward the lives they bring into this world.  That’s not going to change.  What needs to change is how we as a society treat women who are taking on this incredible commitment.   While many women choose to pursue careers and personal ambitions in addition to raising their children, it always comes at an unquantifiable emotional cost. Read Anne-Marie Slaughter’s “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” published in July’s Atlantic Magazine if you don’t believe me:  http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

I wish the men and women who question Mayer or the wisdom of the Yahoo executives would take a minute to think about what their mothers have meant to them over the course of their lives. Mothers shape us in ways no one else can.  They give themselves completely over to us and our needs.  The bonds they create with their children are ferocious and unmatched. They sacrifice their own desires to make sure we are cared for. No one gets here without a mother. No one. 

You know what?  The Yahoo executives have a coverage plan for Mayer when she leaves to celebrate the birth of her child.  Yahoo will not fall down. Kudos to this company for recognizing Mayer’s talent, and for supporting her wishes to combine a career and family. This kind of thinking needs to touch every working woman out there, no matter where she is in the ranks.

I am eternally grateful to the generous and courageous family man who, in 1998,  not only hired me six months prior to my due date, but  granted my request for a five month maternity leave and somehow made certain I was eligible, as new hire, for insurance benefits  I would surely need. He chose to put his valued employee first, and while it was extra work for him, we made sure he had a contingency plan in place and coverage for my work while I was out. 

Without him, I’m not sure where I’d be today. He hired me into the company that was eventually purchased by my current organization.  He started me on my career trajectory in leadership and people management.  Would I be an executive at the top global firm in my industry without that opportunity?

If I hadn’t had a job that played to my strengths and allowed me to develop, would I have eventually dropped out of the work force?  Would I have had the autonomy that allowed me the option to end my marriage and support my family as a single mother?  Would I be in such a strong position to advocate for other women today?     

Working mothers are challenged over and over again to prove their commitment to their jobs.  When are we going to realize that women bring value to the work force because of the qualities that make them good mothers, not in spite of them?