Roar

Way back in 6^th grade, I remember an assignment to write a position paper on the question of whether barbequing, burning leaves, and other assorted practices with environmental impacts should be banned. I was the only person in the room who took the stance that we should unequivocally ban it all. When the teacher announced this and asked me to stand up in front of the class to defend my position, I shriveled faster than those leaves everyone wanted to ignite do when they meet the flame.  Was she kidding me?  I was the cheese standing alone, twenty pairs of eyes staring me down like I was some kind of a killjoy.

It can be intimidating when our point of view differs dramatically from the rest of the population. Many of us literally lose our voices in these situations, clamming up and keeping our opinions to ourselves when the rest of the world doesn’t notice what seems like a blatant issue or opportunity to us. 

There have been times at the office, too, when I felt like my opinion was too different and I’d really be rocking the boat if I said something.  And besides, who would want to hear from me anyway?   Didn’t I need to be at a certain level in our hierarchy before the people at the top of my world view would give me the time of day?  It took several years, and some coaxing from patient mentors, for me to really believe in the power of my voice.   

Women, especially, seem to underestimate their ability to influence, and can be intimidated into silence or acquiescence.  Why does this happen and how do we get better about speaking up?

Naturally, self-doubt comes into play.  When everyone else doesn’t seem to see a problem and, “we’ve always done things this way,” is the default response to inquiries about the steady state, we wonder if there’s really a problem, maybe we’re just blowing things out of proportion. 

Then there’s the issue of defending our position if we do get an audience who takes us seriously.  Women have an overwhelming need to be able to dot all of our “i”s and cross all of the “t”s before we pipe up. If I say something is a problem that ought to be fixed, I better have indisputable evidence and an airtight solution, right?  What if I shoot my mouth off and I’m really just mistaken?  Where does that leave me?

And in some cases, the whole situation can just seem bigger than we are.  Even if we do build our case successfully, how on earth can we possibly move the mountains ourselves?

At some point, the need to voice an opinion trumps the fear of putting it out there.  I’ve learned over the past several years that you can recover from a poor decision or situation.  You really can.  What I know I can’t recover from anymore is holding my tongue in a bad state of affairs. 

I think the watershed comes when we believe in an idea or approach so vehemently that we can’t keep our mouths shut.  When we talk about something we are passionate about, it’s more than just our words that others experience.  It’s the broad smiles on our faces, the light dancing in our eyes, the rapid cadence of our speech, the animation in our bodies, the conviction that can come only from the heart.  When you believe like that, others can’t help but listen.  It’s earnest and compelling and genuine.

I’m not sure where this comes from.  It feels to me like a chicken and egg question.  Do we recognize our power to influence when we put our opinions out there and see success?  Or do we need to find the power within us in order to take a risk and put an opinion out there?

 I’ve seen victory by presenting an unbiased and logical statement of the facts, absent of all references to laying blame, along with the benefits I believe could be realized. Complaining never gets you anywhere and “comparison is the thief of joy,” as Theodore Roosevelt so eloquently puts it.

And it helps to get to the right person.  Sometimes we feel like we are screaming and not being heard because the person we’re talking to lacks the power to provide the support we need. 

I never underestimate anymore the ability my voice has to ring, even in a whisper.  Do I always get my way?  No.  But I am always heard.  The advice I give others is this:  If you believe in it, you need to speak up. If for no one else, do it for yourself. Everyone is going to have an opinion.  Just because yours is different doesn’t mean it’s wrong. 

But I would advise that you know what you’re talking about.  That 6^th grade paper, well, I didn’t know what the word “ban” actually meant.  So, I got to choose whether I would stand up in front of the class defending a controversial opinion I didn’t believe in or admit I was ignorant to the whole premise of the paper.  Yuck!  Mercifully, I can’t remember the outcome.  They didn’t burn me at the stake or anything like that; but, wow, did I sweat.