Assuage

“We read to know we are not alone.”- -  C.S. Lewis

Today I was thinking about the reasons why I write, happily ticking them off in my mind until I startled myself with the last one:  I write because I find absolute beauty in words.  I write because I love the pursuit for words that unlock my precise meaning.  I write because the options for constructing new and melodious sentences are endless. I write because it helps me solve problems. I write because I believe I can use my talent to inspire.  I write because it is a way to express some of my most coveted desires.  I write because it engenders intimacy.  I write because I am lonely.

When I was healing from my divorce, I found myself resurrecting long-distance friendships I had let lapse.  Being geographically challenged, we used e-mail to communicate.  I spent hours at my computer pouring out my hopes, fears and failures, and receiving in return immediate responses filled with heartfelt and thoughtful counsel both to soothe and fortify me on the new road less traveled which I’d chosen to take.  These friends were – and are - life savers for me.   

Without a man in my life, I sometimes feel like I’m burdening friends with concerns that I’d reserve for my “person”. While my friends have never made me feel like they are unwilling to listen, and their generosity is always sincere, it sometimes feels like too much to ask, and is achingly not the same. Putting my ideas down on paper helps me work through them, filling, at least partially, this evanescent void in my life.  Posting them makes me feel like there is always someone listening.

The beauty of a blog is you get to choose whether you read it or not.  If you’re not interested in what I’m thinking about, you don’t have to read.  Unlike Facebook, my thoughts are not plastered on your public wall; if you don’t want to be assaulted with my posts there is no debate over whether to give me the virtual hook with an unfriending. 

I hope that those of you who choose to read feel less alone.  We’re all lonely in some way, even when we have a really great person committed to traveling through life with us.  Finding a voice of affinity on the journey can be comforting, even in the absence of any real solutions.

Maybe my philosophy on life, love and leadership is not always for you.  Maybe I pose more questions than answers.  Maybe seeing yourself in a post stings a little but helps you acknowledge something that has been really hard for you to hear. What I hope shines through is that we’re all human and by accepting and revealing a little bit of our mortality we can find our way to where we want to go.