Luculent

Today as I drive to a meeting I believe will be particularly challenging, I wrestle with myself over the message I want to convey and whether it will really be heard.  Grace is what is needed in this conversation and I can’t seem to put my hands on mine.  Peace reveals herself at last when I settle on the humbling decision to ask the senior leader in my organization joining me at the meeting to lead the discussion. This man is incredibly compassionate; I know emphatically that when I hear his grace, I will be able to find my own.

I question the power of my words at times, and I’m beginning to give this behavior some serious attention because it feels like it’s hampering me. Sometimes I believe I’m somehow lacking credibility; that no one will ever take seriously what I’m saying, that I’ll be patronized or dismissed.  And the moment I’m down on myself like that, I’m at risk of wavering and ultimately wilting: What will stop me from being steamrolled into acquiescence; or abdicating trueness to myself?  

But this isn’t about my listener at all.  This is about me.

When we think about trust, we’re usually thinking about it in terms of whether or not we trust another.  But I’m wondering if the first hurdle isn’t in trusting ourselves?  When we need to have difficult conversations, whether it’s bringing a business challenge to a client, coaching an employee on poor performance, telling a teenager he’s being denied his freedom, or sharing a deeply personal need in a relationship, for the words to have a prayer of leaving our mouths, we need to believe we have the right to say them.  We need to believe that our opinion, viewpoint, perspective or explanation is at a minimum as reasonable, compelling, heartfelt and earnest as that of the individual on the other side of the conversation who we expect will challenge us. This belief is what girds us, it’s where the courage to speak up lives and breathes.

Grace is what gives those words the vehicle to be heard.

I see grace displayed countless times this week and its power never fails to amaze me. I hear it in the way a colleague wins alignment on the scope of a sensitive project, acknowledging the concerns of the other side while still holding firm on our position. I see it in today’s meeting when the senior leader does in fact take the lead, even though I don’t get the opportunity to ask him to. In doing so, he shows me that sometimes the only right conversation is around being a lifeline to someone in need. And I experience it achingly and in an acutely personal way when I look into cerulean eyes reflecting a bittersweet beauty drenched in sadness as my own words express an impasse that may not be overcome.

Grace brings power to our words and clarity to our convictions. Trust in ourselves is found the moment we’re able to speak our beliefs with grace.  This is how we know who we are.