Autumn has ignited the burning
bush in my backyard, a few tiny but prominent red leaves tell me so. It won’t be long
before every branch is ablaze in a fiery crimson. That’s pretty
much how suddenly my life turns while I’m attempting
to prolong summer, lounging under a beach umbrella at the gulf shore. Trouble finds
me down south, filling me with exasperation and dread. I think about not coming back, really I do.
Although I want some sympathy
from my friends, I know what I really need is some new perspective. So I turn
to my Twitter feed, in search of virtual words of wisdom. I happen upon insight into happiness from
Psychology Today, and am immediately hooked as I read a father’s words describing the struggles he faces letting go of his growing son.
While I can completely relate to this
parenting story, what I am most taken with is how this author applies the need
to let go in other places in his life. We assume that we should hold on to people,
beliefs and behaviors to be happy. “Life will always take things from us we want to
keep,” he observes. The trick is in recognizing that those things
which we cling desperately to can ultimately be the source of our pain, not
happiness.
As I’m reading through the list of personal examples he
boldly shares, I begin to think about my own.
When I trace my current misery back to the source, I come up with themes
that are all too familiar to me. What do
I need to let go of in order to make room for more happiness? Here’s my list:
My need to be seen as perfect, great at everything.
While I seem
to do a decent job of understanding that no one else can possibly be perfect, I
hold myself to a higher standard. This can
make me wary of trying new things for fear of getting them wrong, and worse yet,
leaves the real me and all of my groundbreaking ideas trapped behind a safe,
but lackluster, facade.
My belief that good things can only come from hard
work and vigilance. Holding on to this means I never allow myself
permission to slow down and ultimately robs me of the joy that comes from
cashing in on good luck or chance.
My need to have my work acknowledged and
recognized. Waiting for rewards and
validation from others means I’m never
satisfied with my own achievements and I doubt the power of my words and
actions. If I wasn’t always looking for others to like my photos on
Instagram, favorite my tweets and pat me on the back for a job well done, maybe
there would be room to just enjoy what I do?
On the flip side, it’s only fair to acknowledge the
things I manage to let go of quite regularly:
My need to say "no” to my
children because it’s convenient
for me.I’ve become really good at assessing a request and accommodating
it whenever possible by asking myself this question: “Am I saying
no because this request is really so terrible or because it’s just not what I want to happen right now?” My kids now are much more likely to go quietly and
respectfully when they get a “no” because I only use it when it really matters.
My need to compare what I have or what I’ve achieved to others. This one is such a time waster. You’re always
going to find someone better, smarter, faster than you are. When I stop trying to attach a "number" to what
I do, and instead focus on doing what I enjoy I’m much happier with myself.
It’s easy to feel like you’ll never be able to cut these cords. I recently came
across the opinions of a dating expert (if there is such a thing) compiled in a
list of impossibly hard things we should all have completely resolved if we’re ever to be relationship-worthy. I felt defeated for a moment, until I
realized if relationships were reserved for only the people who have all of
this right, we’d all be
single.
Letting go, to me, is a process,
a practice, a mindset. I don’t know that anyone ever totally masters it. Recognizing when we’re holding on for dear life and working to loosen
the reins goes a long way; as does a little kindness to ourselves when we find the
grip tightening again.
It’s like dousing
the sparks before the blaze is out of control.
No comments:
Post a Comment