Homing

She tells me I’m special and I just don’t realize it.  No, she’s not my mother patiently cooing words of encouragement to my morose teenaged self.  She’s a co-worker playing an invaluable role in my career.  For years she’s been coaching me to change the way I think about myself, to rise on the inside to the stature I’ve achieved on the outside.  She’s the one who, when I refer to executives in the company, looks at me with that face and says “You are an executive.” I just don’t realize it.

I believe we are somehow programmed to ignore our own specialness.  Opposite of the narcissist incapable of self-awareness broadcasting his grandeur at every turn, we are blind to our majesty, shrugging off the idea that whatever it is we absolutely excel at is extraordinary. 

This is a big mistake.  If you think that thing that you are really passionate about creating, promoting, solving, or eradicating can’t change the world, you’re wrong.

As a token of appreciation for all she does for me, I bring her a box of my Christmas cookies. Over the years she alludes to the fact that this holiday leaves a sour taste in her mouth.  This year she tells me biting into my cookies has changed this. I’m incredulous and immensely touched.  Who knew a box of beautifully packaged and crafted homemade treats could profoundly impact an individual?  She insists it has.  My gift changes her world. I am beaming.

I used to believe this search for emotional gratification is pathetic, a bit embarrassed when I realize I crave job changes, not for more money, but to quench my thirst for appreciation.  What is wrong with me that I can’t be happy with the paycheck and find other avenues where people are more willing to express gratitude?  But it’s a manifestation of our humanity.  Once we’re fortunate enough to be able to afford the basic necessities of food and shelter, we are driven to fulfill our emotional needs.

 

We gingerly put our most personal work out there, willing to risk rejection or indifference because it’s work we are compelled to create, it’s unlike any other and in our heart of hearts we know it’s spectacular.  When we receive accolades we’re fueled to create more.  When we don’t we’re defeated. We want to pack up and take our onlyness elsewhere. Craving the environment that welcomes and celebrates our best selves is not something to shun or feel bad about.  It’s a signal to embrace and act upon.

 

We’re all parched beings craving the elixir of recognition and appreciation, aching to be noticed, to be called out as special. We gravitate towards those people who hydrate us with their generosity to validate our worthiness, to call out our specialness, to point us to our extraordinariness.  They fuel our sparkle and shine so we persist, so we can change the world.

He sees the way the cookies are presented in the box.  He is offered a taste because she’s willing to share.  He comes over to me to let me know how spectacular they are.  He suggests I may have missed my calling.  Have I?  Should I just quit this day job as an executive and open up a seasonal bakery?

After some contemplation I decide I am answering my calling, every day. I am a lot of things.  I am an executive.  I am a baker.  I am an artist. I am a writer. I am a mother.  I am a daughter, sister, aunt, friend.  I am partner to the most extraordinary man. I take on new roles all the time, I bring what only I can bring to them.  When what I offer is cherished and nurtured, I blossom into a greater role.  When it’s not, I know it’s time to make a change to get to that place where who I am is once again honored.  I am changing my world everywhere I go.  I just don’t realize it.