Inculcation

I may be the only person who doesn’t mind an occasional flight delay once in a Blue Moon.  Of course this applies only if I happen to be in an airport with a really good bookstore. My last great find was in December on a trip to San Francisco.  Austin Kleon’s “Steal Like an Artist” caught my eye.  An easy read with lots of graphics, I am enamored with his theory that there are no original ideas and an individual artist’s interpretation of the work of another becomes her own unique art.

When my boys first started painting I was perplexed by their process, sourcing artwork on the internet for cutting stencils.  Why they aren’t using their own drawings caused me to wonder.  After reading Kleon’s book I started watching their work closely, beginning to notice the nuances in a single drawing.  Like a puzzle, positive and negative space needs to be negotiated, along with the myriad of stylistic decisions the artist makes in choosing where to cut. The simple, two-dimensional clip art is altered geometrically with each slice of the exacto, each layer of spray paint, each color, speckle or drop landing on canvas, wood, metal or glass.  I’ve developed a whole new appreciation for their work which offers interpretations as vast as the Milky Way.

I came across this piece on Kleon’s Tumblr blog the other day and it piqued my interest:  http://tumblr.austinkleon.com/post/41121223410 Its further proof of his concept, as the artist he is referencing creates his own work from paintings he finds in thrift stores. What I like even more though, is the observation this artist made when he exposed his friends to these pieces.  Here he thought the thrift store art was no big deal, just another tangent he was sent on by his creative mind. His friends thought otherwise, which was the catalyst to move his pieces out of his studio and into a public space.

As an artist it feels really risky to put your work out there.  Many of us suffer from a lack of confidence.  Art is subject to judgment and people can react very strongly.  We want our work on exhibit, but we lack courage to knock on the doors of the very places we want to step inside.  This leaves lots of us with studios full of a multitude of iterations of some cool concept we thought up, but we’re not sure is good enough for the masses. And it’s not just art that’s like this.  It’s any gift or passion we house that we feel really strongly about.  When it’s that personal, it’s tough to get it out there in the light of day.

After spray on the drawing board -- N8

But it’s really important to let someone in or, in today’s world of boundless social media outlets, to put your work out there, even if it’s only in some small way.  Because today, more than ever, it’s even easier for your passion to catch the eye of the person who can help you change your world.  Before you know it, the very people you seek to impress may come knocking on your door looking for you.  What have you got to lose?

Plenipotentiary

The gem of the day, found in yesterday morning’s Twitter feed, is a short how-to asking the question Why Aren't You Delegating? The great leaders in the workplace that I know personally do this really well.  After spending some time last week with one of them, a female colleague sharing her frustrations about the lack of any division of labor at home, I’m looking at this issue of delegation from a different vantage point.   What would happen if women practiced delegation at home?

As women, we’re the leaders on the home front, responsible for operations. As the COO of a double-income household of white collar professionals in their mid-forties, a woman is likely managing an annual budget in six figures. And she spends little time in the environment she’s responsible for, with an 8 hour workday, plus 1 -2 for her commute.  Yet she operates under an extremely inefficient service delivery model doing nearly everything herself.  No leader in her right mind would ever run her team at the office in this manner, yet this is what is going on in the majority of households.   Looking at this situation from a purely business perspective, this is not a viable model.  So why is it that the overwhelming majority of tasks associated with managing the upkeep of these facilities and their inhabitants fall on the woman?   And more importantly, why are these strong, confident women unable to change behaviors at home?

Part of it is innate; along with bearing and caring for children comes ownership of the nest.  Women have been socialized to believe that all operations at home require their loving touch, and that in some way sub-contracting this work signifies we care more about our careers than our families.  Delegating operations at home, instead of being viewed as a more efficient way of doing things, is misinterpreted as prioritizing work over family which is still widely received as socially unacceptable for women.  What woman wants to be accused of neglecting her family to pursue interests in the business world?  Because of this stigma, women have simply added work to their plates, unable to shed tasks at home.  This leaves us with a bunch of frustrated women attempting to balance work and life, wondering why their spouses don’t seem the least bit willing to help out.  In fact, many women have trouble even broaching this topic because they may discover that their spouse’s solution uncovers a startlingly selfish and contemptuous truth, that many men would rather have their wives sacrifice their careers, cutting back to spend more time at home, than pitch in themselves, or even invest in out-sourcing to enable a woman to pursue her passion.  What woman wants to give up an interesting, creative and challenging job to spend more time at the washing machine?

The path to change begins with how you see yourself:  Start viewing yourself as the leader that you are and determine how you’re going to make yourself replaceable at home.  Why?  Because great leaders recognize that their job is to teach through delegation. According to the HBR post, "Your most important task as a leader is to teach people how to think and ask the right questions so that the world doesn't go to hell if you take a day off," says Jeffrey Pfeffer, the Thomas D. Dee II Professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford University's Graduate School of Business.  Ladies, this applies at home, too. If we continue to do for our families, we model the very behavior pattern we’re trying to break, the pattern that we need to break if there is ever going to be gender equity in the workplace. 

If you’ve got teenagers, like I do, you have a built-in labor pool in dire need of developing the very skills you wish to unload. I admit, they are likely not top talent in terms of skillset or aspirations, but I bet your situation bears an eerie resemblance to this statement in the HBR blog, directed toward the workplace:  "A classic sign of insufficient delegation is that you are working long hours and feel totally indispensable, while your staff isn't terribly energized and keeps strangely regular hours," says Carol Walker, the president of Prepared to Lead, a consulting firm that focuses on developing young leaders. Are you wondering how you might influence this sullen and apathetic brood?  The answer lies more in changing your own perspective and expectations than in attempting to motivate your workforce.

While we obviously can’t put our husbands or children on performance plans, and they are not going to be motivated by the same rewards our teams at the office are, nor will they call us out if we fall back into our old ways, what we can control is how we look at this situation.  So how do you make this happen?

Look at your operation in detail.  What needs to get done to keep the household running and who currently owns the task?  Don’t be discouraged by the black and white reality that most will have your name beside them.  Prioritize.  What needs to be touched by you; what do you absolutely love doing and don’t wish to give up?  These items stay on your list. What could be out-sourced, either to your team at home or a third party should be delegated.   Have a discussion with your family to communicate the reorganization you are implementing in your household.  Explain why and how roles and responsibilities are changing.  Keep a strictly business approach.  You are doing nothing more than resetting expectations on how this household will run.  This happens every day at the office, and you have no problem communicating the message there.

Once you start delegating, you really do need to let go.  This is the most painful part of this type of change, no doubt. You’ll need to accept that mistakes will be made, the quality will be lacking and speed will likely not meet your current expectations.  But remember, these people are learning. According the blog post,  "If you want people to learn, you have to permit them to make mistakes and figure out how to correct them," says Pfeffer. If you micromanage, you've missed the point. 

Be prepared:  Your home may no longer look like Martha Stewart Living.  Cereal may not be just for breakfast anymore. You may not be represented at every parent-teacher conference.  Teenage boys may leave the house in dirty clothes more often than you’d like.  But they will all figure it out. And here’s what happens in the process:  If you keep on your plate the vital few tasks that define your home as a haven for you, and let go of the rest, you’ll have more guilt-free time to pursue your passions.  Your crew will absolutely grumble for a while, count on it. But aren’t you the one living in silent (or not so silent) contempt right now because all of the responsibility is sitting in your lap? Isn’t your happiness as important as that of those you love?  I say yes.

Retrospect

“Girl, you’ve been given gifts.  Use them.”  If you guessed that these words were uttered by a father to his daughter, you’d be right.  I don’t know the whole story behind them, but I imagine I can hear the vexation in this man’s voice as he admonishes his pride and joy for her inability to see in herself what is so clearly evident to him.  And so it goes for all of us, especially in our youth. 

I nodded my head profusely throughout this entire Forbes blog post highlighting advice successful businesswomen give to millennials, the generation in the latent stages of their careers:   http://www.forbes.com/sites/sherenejoseph/2013/01/12/advice-for-millennials-from-power-women/?utm_campaign=fwtwittersf&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social  Do the words ring true?  No question.  Are these young women at a point in their lives when they can hear them?  Probably not. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are always exceptions to the rule.  But this isn’t meant to be a criticism of this young generation, either.  It’s more like a very real illustration of how wisdom spawns from living life, and the undeniable truth that you can’t rush experience.

How can young women possibly be ready to hear these words?  I remember vividly how it felt to be in my first job out of college. I scanned the want-ads in the newspaper to source opportunities. When I interviewed with the owner of the small business who made the job offer to me, I was humiliated to be asked upon my acceptance if I had taken into consideration how long my commute would be.  My salary was paltry because I lacked the confidence to negotiate with this man who treated me like a little girl. I needed a job, which to me translated into taking what I was offered. It was probably one of the most powerless situations I’ve ever been in.   

Are today’s women more poised, mature and better prepared to enter the workforce?  I’m sure they are.  But I’d be willing to bet that very few of them have a clear vision of where they want to go, can articulate all of their strengths, or have the confidence to mold a role to fit them. Nor should they. At this point in life most haven’t even begun to explore all that they’re capable of.  

Interestingly enough, I find this advice really resonates with me now, twenty-six years into my career.  I’m finally at a point where I’m confident enough to wield the power I possess to drive my own career.  It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve come to understand I don’t need to follow the predetermined path, but I literally had to come to the end of that path for this reality to sink in.  Having held jobs that were less than fulfilling, I have a real need now to do meaningful work, and can turn down assignments when I don’t believe I can make a difference.

Being the parent of teenagers, I fully appreciate the futility and frustration that come when counsel falls on deaf ears. The years finally gifting me with hindsight, recalling the many times I sat across the table myself on the receiving end of sage advice from a valuable mentor attempting to deliver a message I simply could not hear.  

Augur

I like to lead, so when a recent invitation to head up a committee left me with mixed emotions I was puzzled.  Our focus is a topic I’m passionate about, but I found myself becoming impatient during the goal setting, feeling that our group has really low expectations in terms of what we can accomplish.  Frustration welling up and unable to pinpoint the source, I held my tongue during the meeting, hanging up the phone with serious reservations about taking this on. 

With some time to think it’s become evident that the group is probably right to corral me.  We’re in the inaugural year of this organization.  There are no shoes to fill, no precedents set, no real metrics to hit (or crush); any achievement will likely be well-received. Under-promise and over-deliver, right?   But still . . .

The problem, I’ve decided, is that I’m a visionary in this area. While the work my team is doing is admirable, will be clamored for by those invited to experience it, and appreciated by all who embrace it, in my mind it doesn’t get to the heart of the matter. It feels a little like yesterday’s news and so it’s not where I want to spend my time.  But it’s exactly where I need to spend to my time. 

Where I’ve landed on this is that by taking it on I’ll grow in some very important areas.  Up to this point most everything I’ve been responsible for in my career has had my fingerprints all over it. This opportunity offers the chance for me to experience what it’s like to be completely hands-off, to truly allow the team to own absolutely everything.  I have no doubt they will be successful; they are a group of wildly enthusiastic, take-charge individuals. 

I’m looking forward to where this will take me as a leader, because I see now that by being at the helm of this piece of work, even though it’s not my vision, I will build the credibility I need to move my vision forward. 

Ironically, this is the very same place I’m moving into with child-raising.  Recent events have helped me to recognize that it’s time to step way back, allowing my oldest to own his successes and failures. It’s not an easy place to be, but it’s the right place. 

It never fails to surprise me that just when I think I’ve reached the highest branch and there is nowhere else to expand, or stretch, or grow, another one materializes.  


Fait accompli.  Next stop Brooklyn.

I’m ready to mail my sketchbook to the Brooklyn Art Library, proud to contribute another piece of work to their global crowd-sourced art project, The Sketchbook Project 2013.  A synopsis of all of the new places I took myself last year, documenting this work in such a highly personal way is also revealing new frontiers for 2013. 

I can’t wait to get on board.    

Cusp

With the submission deadline for my contribution to Art House Co-op’s 2013 Sketchbook Project just days away, the blog is taking a backseat to my art.  As I allow this creative work to consume me, I can’t help but relate to this story about Nathan (no, not my Nate), but another extraordinarily talented Nathan who is making money pursuing his passion sculpting in legos:     http://www.fastcocreate.com/1682144/making-lego-into-art-nathan-sawayas-impossible-brick-sculptures?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+fastcompany%2Fheadlines+%28Fast+Company%29#1

After spending some time in a dual role, his decidedly pedestrian career by day and artwork nights and weekends, the catalyst he needed to make the leap to fulltime artist presented itself.  Reading the story it dawned on me that I’m in that very same place right now.  At any moment the stars could align and I could find myself fully immersed in the business of doing what I love.  How cool is that?

This year’s sketchbook is an atlas, documenting the course I charted for myself in 2012, delving into my interests in art, writing, love, leadership and running.  Here’s a sneak peek:

Evolution of a self-proclaimed writer. . .

Volition

A year ago at this time I described myself as restless, a little unhappy and most definitely stuck. Only a few short months into a new assignment at work, I had to admit it was one I didn’t wholeheartedly enjoy.  I accepted the role knowing it wasn’t a great fit, but prospects were slim and this was job security at my company. I had capacity to do more, and people knew it, so I was being asked to help out with something else that didn’t sound particularly pleasing either, but I felt I couldn’t say no.  I was backed into the proverbial corner, that powerless space where I felt incapable of grabbing what was attractive to me, so by default I was at the mercy of others and what they brought to me.  Yuck! 

This is not an atypical place to be. All of us have experienced the atavism of being stuck, whether it’s at work, in a relationship, or with life in general. What I’ve discovered in the last year is that it is within my power to make change happen.  What’s required to succeed with this is a willingness to invest in you, which can best be characterized as “nothing and everything”.  I find this description acutely apropos because it truly is the most appealing thing in the world, once you start doing it, to focus on yourself, but so many of us find this impossible to put into practice. I talk to people every day, men and women, who don’t recognize the power they have to make positive change in their lives.  The mother of teenagers who can’t allow herself to even picture the career of her dreams because she’s still funding her children’s undergraduate education.  The unhappily married man, who says it’s too expensive and difficult to get out of his marriage, yet can't seem to figure out how to be happy in it.  The frustrated professional who won’t ask for the constructive feedback he needs to secure the promotion he desperately seeks. So what holds us back?  We make excuses rooted in fear.

As I read this Forbes post http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2012/12/28/the-8-most-damaging-excuses-people-make-for-their-unhappiness/ I can’t help but nod my head, over and over again.  Every one of these eight excuses I used myself at some time in my life (and sometimes still use).  And every one of them has been turned upside down in the last year.  Here’s why:  I believe it is never selfish to invest in me.  Yes, it sounds selfish to even say it, I know.  But it’s like this:  When I invest in myself, I am the happiest person I can be.  And when I am happy, those around me are happy.  It’s that simple.

I made a conscious decision this year after accepting assignments that were not of my choosing to fill my plate with those that are.  I thought about my strengths and what I enjoy doing, and then reached out to people who work and live in those same arenas to understand what part these interests play in their lives.  This is how I ended up blogging, running a half-marathon, mentoring future women leaders, sketching amid masterpieces at the Art Institute, tweeting, and poised to begin what promises to be one of the most alluring and challenging assignments of my career.

 

You can start small, by giving yourself permission to create the space in your life to pursue what you love.  It used to be whenever I debated with myself about accepting an invitation, granting a favor, or completing yet another task on the list my first question would always be “What will others think if I say no?”  Now my question is “How will I feel if I say no?”   I’m finding opportunities every day to practice this, and that one simple decision that is about me can change the whole tone of my day. Just this morning when I woke up to discover the temperature at 14 degrees, instead of dragging myself out in the bitter cold so as not to disappoint the friend I had planned to run with, I did what made me happy and sent a text message saying I’d be running later in the day, making time to be at my computer with a hot cup of coffee and the last of the Christmas cookies (those coffee-chocolate-caramel reindeer), writing this post.

While I sincerely believe we are here to help and support others, doing so is at the essence of pursuing our passions, not at the expense of that pursuit.  It’s your life.  You are worthy of an amazing one.  Go out and get it.

Coursers

Back in October I wrote a post challenging women to rewrite the stories of their successes in the workplace: http://yourwindlass.blogspot.com/2012/10/redact.html.  Instead of apologizing for our unconventional work styles born out of the need to address family responsibilities, we should start marketing them.  Instead of treating flexibility as if it were a regrettable accommodation, we need to flaunt it as an indispensable tool.  I really believe that those of us who have leveraged every bit of give the workplace will grant to achieve success on our own terms hold one of the keys needed to break through the glass ceiling.  I’m the first to admit there are more locks, deadbolts, chains and bars on this hatch than on the door of a stereotypical inner city apartment, but it seems there is male support for my theory, as evidenced by this perspective published in Forbes earlier this year by a working dad:  http://www.forbes.com/sites/brianreid/2012/06/25/why-young-single-men-are-the-solution-to-the-having-it-all-problem/

What I like about the Forbes story is that it suggests the need to move toward a gender bilingual workplace.  The irony in all of this is that in order to achieve equality, to make it possible for more women to have executive level positions, men need to begin embracing the way women work.  The techniques that successful women employ need to be not just accepted by men, but actually adopted. This is a radical departure from the old adage that women need to become more like men. 

Women have been surreptitiously flying under the radar, honing the skills required to successfully manage teams virtually, empowering their teammates to represent them in remote locations,  strategically filling the hours in the office with face-time and saving heads-down work for home.  We’ve been wildly successful, but somehow it feels almost shameful, like some kind of covert mission.  Women have been sniffing out their paths on the sly; isn’t it about time we’re enabled with tools in plain sight and accessible to all?

Interestingly enough, technology and social media heavily favor a shift in this direction, and even offer a way for us to quietly retire the decidedly female connotations currently associated with alternative working.  As with anything though, it is far easier to introduce a new concept than it is to drive adoption. But the organizations willing to promote, cultivate and make real a culture of flexibility for all will reap the benefits brought by the powerful, quick and nimble women leaders more than ready to mount to the sky.