Volition

A year ago at this time I described myself as restless, a little unhappy and most definitely stuck. Only a few short months into a new assignment at work, I had to admit it was one I didn’t wholeheartedly enjoy.  I accepted the role knowing it wasn’t a great fit, but prospects were slim and this was job security at my company. I had capacity to do more, and people knew it, so I was being asked to help out with something else that didn’t sound particularly pleasing either, but I felt I couldn’t say no.  I was backed into the proverbial corner, that powerless space where I felt incapable of grabbing what was attractive to me, so by default I was at the mercy of others and what they brought to me.  Yuck! 

This is not an atypical place to be. All of us have experienced the atavism of being stuck, whether it’s at work, in a relationship, or with life in general. What I’ve discovered in the last year is that it is within my power to make change happen.  What’s required to succeed with this is a willingness to invest in you, which can best be characterized as “nothing and everything”.  I find this description acutely apropos because it truly is the most appealing thing in the world, once you start doing it, to focus on yourself, but so many of us find this impossible to put into practice. I talk to people every day, men and women, who don’t recognize the power they have to make positive change in their lives.  The mother of teenagers who can’t allow herself to even picture the career of her dreams because she’s still funding her children’s undergraduate education.  The unhappily married man, who says it’s too expensive and difficult to get out of his marriage, yet can't seem to figure out how to be happy in it.  The frustrated professional who won’t ask for the constructive feedback he needs to secure the promotion he desperately seeks. So what holds us back?  We make excuses rooted in fear.

As I read this Forbes post http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2012/12/28/the-8-most-damaging-excuses-people-make-for-their-unhappiness/ I can’t help but nod my head, over and over again.  Every one of these eight excuses I used myself at some time in my life (and sometimes still use).  And every one of them has been turned upside down in the last year.  Here’s why:  I believe it is never selfish to invest in me.  Yes, it sounds selfish to even say it, I know.  But it’s like this:  When I invest in myself, I am the happiest person I can be.  And when I am happy, those around me are happy.  It’s that simple.

I made a conscious decision this year after accepting assignments that were not of my choosing to fill my plate with those that are.  I thought about my strengths and what I enjoy doing, and then reached out to people who work and live in those same arenas to understand what part these interests play in their lives.  This is how I ended up blogging, running a half-marathon, mentoring future women leaders, sketching amid masterpieces at the Art Institute, tweeting, and poised to begin what promises to be one of the most alluring and challenging assignments of my career.

 

You can start small, by giving yourself permission to create the space in your life to pursue what you love.  It used to be whenever I debated with myself about accepting an invitation, granting a favor, or completing yet another task on the list my first question would always be “What will others think if I say no?”  Now my question is “How will I feel if I say no?”   I’m finding opportunities every day to practice this, and that one simple decision that is about me can change the whole tone of my day. Just this morning when I woke up to discover the temperature at 14 degrees, instead of dragging myself out in the bitter cold so as not to disappoint the friend I had planned to run with, I did what made me happy and sent a text message saying I’d be running later in the day, making time to be at my computer with a hot cup of coffee and the last of the Christmas cookies (those coffee-chocolate-caramel reindeer), writing this post.

While I sincerely believe we are here to help and support others, doing so is at the essence of pursuing our passions, not at the expense of that pursuit.  It’s your life.  You are worthy of an amazing one.  Go out and get it.