Billet-doux

Love is a word that doesn’t normally make its way into the workplace.  Lately, though, I’ve been thinking it just might belong there.

I’m working with colleagues on some new business opportunities that are out of my area of expertise.  The vernacular is new to me, so I’m asking a lot of questions to ensure I deliver what’s needed to support our effort.  I was especially pleased the other morning when the recipient of my team’s work was so tickled with the product that he replied, “This is great stuff.  I promise they never get information like this.”  A smile of intense satisfaction and delight spread across my face.  He might as well have written, “I adore you; let’s run away and spend the rest of our lives together.”  That’s how loved I felt when I read his words.

The more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became by how motivating and empowering love is. I really do my best work when I feel loved. And I’m not alone.  I think if we all asked ourselves where we feel the strongest, the most willing to exert our whole being, most of us would answer that it’s when we’re surrounded by people who give off some kind of vibe that makes us feel good.  Maybe we can’t put our fingers on exactly what it is, but those who affect us in that way bring out the very best in us.

If we know this to be true, it would seem obvious that we could get the best work out of others when they feel loved.  Yikes!  Who’s ever going to talk openly about this concept in the office?  I mean, what man would ever use the “l” word in the workplace?  And while a woman might, she’d always put it on the scale first, careful to weigh the risks of appearing too soft.

Maybe we need to say it differently,  but packaged up in whatever socially acceptable argot you choose, it’s still that basic, primal need to be loved that propels us to be our best selves.

I find myself in the position of needing to put my team at work at ease.  I’m the new leader. People don’t know what to expect. It would seem like this idea of love would apply in my situation.  So I’m thinking now about how I use this theory at work. I’m banking on it, because I’ve already seen its benefits at home.

We were screamers, way back when.  I’m not proud.  Like most parents, out of pure frustration I thought maybe if I just spoke louder, my children would fall into line, doing what I asked the first time, speaking to me respectfully, giving their best effort to the task at hand.  All that got me was a sore throat and chronic high blood pressure.

And then I tried love. I reinforce every positive behavior they exhibit.  I make requests that respect their time and allow them a certain amount of control and flexibility in terms of completion. I’m careful not to criticize, even if it kills me.  I support their new ideas and diverse interests anyway I can, going out of my way to say yes to as many requests as I can, even if the last thing I want to do is get off the couch to go buy duct tape at Walmart or allow them to paint the bedroom.  And amazing things are happening.  The garbage gets out every Monday evening without a word.  Dinner plates always make it to the sink. Grades are improving. They respect my time in the same way I respect theirs.  And what’s really great is that they confide in me. They are learning that it’s safe to admit mistakes and still be loved. They are learning how to love themselves in spite of the flaws.

And this is the part we always forget.  How important it is to love ourselves if we’re ever going to achieve our dreams. 

I truly believe that when we feel loved and respected and that our contributions are acknowledged in a very positive way, we work harder.  The sky is the limit in those situations.  It’s demotivating to be accountable to someone who never praises our efforts or only sees what’s wrong; and it’s dangerous too:  We begin to lose faith in ourselves and our capabilities. 

Sure, it’s a little more elementary when you’re talking about kids.  And I do have the parent card to play, but I’m playing it less and less, because more often than not they are giving me their best.

I’m convinced this translates to the workplace. (And probably with your husband, too.)  Try love.  I know it seems silly.  Love is such a squishy word. But there just might be a case for it the working world.