The past two days I’ve spent my time at the Women’s Summit my company hosted for sixty of the talented women leaders in the burgeoning officer ranks within my organization. Meant to demonstrate the commitment the firm has to diversity and inclusion, we were granted access to the most senior executives and treated to presentations from four high-powered women outside of our business, all sharing the insight and experience they’ve garnered on their journeys to the highest levels of leadership in their respective industries.
The information was, as you would expect, invaluable. The perspective was thought provoking and inspiring. The speakers were dynamic and passionate. And while plenty of brainstorming was encouraged in an attempt to solution the glaring problem of underrepresentation of women in leadership positions within our organization, I walked away more cleaved than ever to my belief that the power to change this lies inside each individual woman. It comes down to believing in your value and asking for what you want.
As women, we can be blind to our worth and mute when it comes to expressing our wants. We seem to have an endemic and perpetual aversion to self-promotion. I’m not sure where exactly this comes from, but it is so prevalent that on the surface it appears to be inherent, somehow embedded in the X chromosome. Yet this can’t be the case, and here’s why: The successful women who spoke to us over the course of these two days made it clear in their mannerisms, their presence and their achievements that they have no trouble asking for what they want. We’re underrepresented because there simply are not enough of us speaking up for ourselves.
The statistics will tell you that in today’s world, women and men are entering the white collar workforce at the same rate. Yet attrition of women is fast and furious, quickly plummeting to the dark side of 80 – 20. We leave, or worse than that, we plant ourselves in safe, stagnant positions, believing the constant juggling of work and life needs to remain invisible to our employers in order to preserve our hard-earned reputations, and even, sometimes, our jobs themselves. We sell ourselves short, many of us working heads down, pencils up in silent apology for our outside obligations. We don’t ask for what we want because we tell ourselves we should feel fortunate that our employers are tolerating a need for flexibility. Seeking a balance to nurture our families, we make ourselves believe that we’re being granted concessions we should gratefully accept in exchange for promotions and fair compensation. Until we get out of this damaging mindset, we will never be able to use our power to propel ourselves forward.
I’m trying to come up with an example of at least one women out there who has seriously pressed for a leadership role and been turned down. It seems unheard of to me, but it could just be my organization. If this is the case, than I consider myself fortunate. I certainly have never been refused a request for additional responsibility or opportunities to stretch myself and learn new skills. Every time I asked to be considered for promotion my request was granted, and ultimately achieved. Looking back, I really believe I could have had the promotions sooner if I hadn’t waited to ask for them until I was confident I had more than mastered the required skills.
Over coffee with one of the younger women at the summit, I was enthralled listening to her talk about her business, an area I know little about. She was confident, knowledgeable, authoritative, and I have no doubt she is a valued advisor to her clients. Her business line has seen reductions in staff; she is doing the work of more than one person, allowing her business to realize healthy profit margins. Yet, when she talked about herself, she spoke in terms of being grateful to have the flexibility to hold down her job and raise her young daughters, of not wanting to “rock the boat” and ask for what she wants. And she’s not alone. There are women all around us undercutting their value, bartering away promotions and pay in one-sided, phantom negotiations with themselves. Ladies, stop it!
What I told this extremely talented and engaging young woman is that she proves her worth every day. She wouldn’t be at this summit if our company did not see her talent and believe she is a great investment. All the power she needs to move forward is inside of her. She just needs to find her voice. I advised her to look at herself through the lens in which she analyzes her clients’ operations, to speak of her value in the same terms she does her client’s assets, to advise herself with the same confident, objectivity she unleashes in her consulting role.
Yes, we should continue to look for ways to create more inclusive environments where women feel comfortable being themselves. Yes, we should support employee resource groups for women and minorities. Yes, we should require senior executives, both male and female to sponsor talented women, ensuring they receive opportunities to grow. But the single, most powerful step we can take to get more women in executive positions is to coach the leadership pipeline to believe in their worth and speak their minds.
While the meeting was packed full of valuable career advice, what resonated with me were the simple words: “Ask for what you want.”
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