Annuity

My birthday cake, as far back as I can remember, has always been German Chocolate.  I have no idea how my mother landed on that uncommon delicacy for me, especially given the fact that as a kid I lacked an affinity for both coconut and pecans.  But back in the days before frosting came in plastic tubs, I would sneak so many spoonfuls of the gooey decadence simmering on the stove, it was a wonder there was any left to cover the cake.  And the best part of this kid un-friendly flavor is that there was always more for me.

A neighbor once told me that birthdays are really for the mothers.  I think she’s right.  Over the years my birthday has lost much of its luster; I find myself far more sentimental on the days my boys were born.  As each year goes by I can still vividly recall the original birth day, the idea that a sleeping newborn so full of promise could be cradled, for a moment in time, in the palm of my hand.

Nurturing that promise consumes our lives for the next 18+ years.  But it’s not an easy task.  Society puts out an unwritten instruction manual, but I know very few who find that they have that exact model at home.  Most of us end up throwing out the directions and winging it on our own. 

We think that the most difficult window of time is when they are babies, helpless and unable to articulate their needs. With nothing else to go on, we have no choice but to rely on what our gut says. We tell ourselves it will get better as they grow. 

The irony is that while our children are in fact becoming more independent and vocal, they don’t necessarily do a better job of telling us what they need. The truth is that now, more than ever, my kids can’t define it. It’s not just that the helpless cry has morphed into an undecipherable grunt, although sometimes that’s it.  But mostly it’s that the problems are so complex, expectations so high and their uncertainty so pervasive they truly don’t have the words for how they feel. I’m certain I look to my gut for guidance more now than any time in the past.     

We make huge personal investments in our children without ever expecting any kind of tangible return.  We’ll work tirelessly to break their encrypted code.  We’re fully vested in their happiness and will go to the mattresses for them at any time.

If you believe like I do that every element, every detail of the miracle that is human life was meticulously mapped out before the first one of us was ever released on earth; what an awesome design specification the mother is.  It’s no accident none of us can get into this world without the one person who unequivocally has our backs.  Yes, birthdays are for mothers. And I bet my mom loved German Chocolate cake way before I ever did.