Manipulation

I’m compelled to look this word up, much hangs on its connotation and it’s important for my heart that I get this right.  When vocabulary.com reveals two definitions, it’s not that I don’t know they exist, but they coexist so surreptitiously in what I consider to be a sacred space.  That one can be extraordinarily skilled in this dichotomy ambushes me; that I’m able to recuse myself from intoxicating, inimitable splendor in order to shield myself from an inevitable, insalubrious erosion of my soul makes walking away a testament to the power of sheer will.