Umbra

Their kisses suck out your very soul. The room goes cold when they are near. They steal your positive energy, your happy memories. You can’t see them, but feel them acutely.  They are the Dementors, phantoms of doom and gloom from Harry Potter fiction, but we’ve all run across them in real life.

 

Their power is in the disguise they wear, for these individuals appear happy and confident on the outside, like they have it all together.  Yet when we’re around them, we feel inexplicably uneasy, in a constant state of inanition.  We quail, questioning our capabilities, querying our confidence, quavering over our conclusions, as if we are somehow less than qualified.  Surely, it must be us, something we’re doing.

 

It can take some time to realize that they’re casting onto us the shadow of doubt and deficiency they wear upon themselves. The give-away is that in no other arena do we feel this inadequate, sapped of all of our strength. The moment we’re away from them we’re resuscitated.

Dementors have ways of tricking us into being untrue to ourselves.  They fill us with the insatiable need to visibly prove ourselves; announce we’re making progress, take all the credit for getting the work done.  They can cause us to raise our voices to make a point, reduce us to tears as we attempt to claim our worth. They can drain us of all passion we possess to do the work we absolutely love.

Luckily, you don’t need to know the Patronus Charm in order to break the spell of the Dementor.  He maintains his hold over you only until the moment you recognize him for who he is. He never really disappears, but you win back the power to quell your own feelings and return to your authentic self.

The irony is the Dementors in our lives can bring out unexpected brilliance within us.  As we fight to retain our sanity and our souls, we develop a sophisticated, almost stealth-like approach, allowing the Dementor the dignity he so desperately needs to maintain with his disguise, bringing a new level of humility to our leadership. 

That's the kiss I'd like to receive.