Suss

As a girl, my most vivid memory of clothes shopping with my mother is of her holding up something beautiful draped over a hanger only to place it right back on the rack.  This was pretty standard behavior for her, and when I asked why she put it down, her answer was always the same. “Not today, I’ll come back another time.”

Am I a slave to fashion?  No.  But I carefully curate my wardrobe, rarely exhibiting the same control my mother did, hardly hesitating when I see something I like.  And I’m drawn to the beautiful sketches fashion designers create to illustrate their ideas as they bring them to life. So when this infographic depicting dresses worn by every best actress winner in attendance at the Academy Awards the evening she receives her statue makes an appearance in my Twitter feed, I study intently.

Although not an Oscar contender for this particular part, Kate Winslet’s character in “The Holiday” is emboldened by the discovery her perpetual unhappiness stems from the fact she’s never had more than a supporting role in the story of her own life.  She’s put the wants and needs of others first, her own desires on the backburner.  Now it’s time to step up and be the leading lady.

And so I ask the question, are you the leading lady in your life?

It’s easy to cast yourself in a supporting role.  Subordinate has been the default position for women since the beginning of time. While the world is far more accepting today than ever, many of us still hold ourselves back, finding it difficult to break our own glass ceilings; to silence those voices inside our heads saying we’re not giving unless we’re denying ourselves, the voices saying we should place our desires on hold while we support others in pursuit of their own.

 

A writer for Psychology Today says it best here. When we don’t take charge of our own happiness, we inevitably look to others in our lives to make us happy.  We put an unbelievably huge burden on those who love us.  It’s a task they can’t possibly complete to our satisfaction.  We may think we’re doing everyone around us a favor by sacrificing ourselves, but if we’re unhappy and unfulfilled in doing so, everyone else is unhappy, too.

If you’ve been doing for others for what seems like forever, you may not even allow yourself to give this much thought, but it’s never too late to start.  There’s no time like the present to figure out what direction you’d like to take the pursuit of your happiness.

It’s actually a gift to others to own this part of ourselves; to create space to follow our dreams; to occasionally take a dress off the rack and bring it home. The best conversations, whether we’re recounting our own stories or listening to another’s, are those we share with a loved one positively gleaming in pride, awe and satisfaction as we witness the power we possess to make our own happiness.