Lavish

The Who say it ain’t for keeping.  My younger self, jaded and jilted in its evanescence, might interpret this phrase to mean it doesn’t last. It’s a good thing the wiser and somewhat more worldly me has learned it’s really for giving away.

It’s a journey to move along this continuum; the lucky ones reshape their ideas about love.  For some of us it happens when we meet the man we marry.  We create a shared life; evolving and growing together, learning the delicate dance of supporting our partner in becoming himself without compromising the quest we’re on to find our true selves. For others the path is not so straightforward; it takes more than one relationship.  We need to begin, end, spend some time contemplating the experience, and then begin again with someone new.

We tend to chalk serial monogamy up to bad choices, wondering how we can ever forgive ourselves for such a glaring lack of vigilance or clairvoyance.  But what if it’s nothing more than bad timing?  What if at this point in time, in this particular relationship we’re too far to the right on this continuum, unable to recognize that giving love away freely is the way to receiving more?

If we believe love is fleeting it becomes a precious jewel we shroud secretly, share selectively and dose sparingly; currency in a lonely bartering game. We can think we need to limit its access and jack up the price so high it reaches precious commodity status, available only to those who have grown comfortable concealing their flaws and modeling perfection ceaselessly for fear making visible the real person beneath the surface will result in rejection.

It’s not until we can take love off the endangered species list, lift the embargo and embrace it as the abundant natural resource it is that we are truly able to sustain a happy, healthy relationship.  When we apply love liberally we make room for our partner to show his true self, and in the process, we create that very same space for ourselves. We owe it to ourselves to be with someone who grants us the grace to be ourselves.  And we owe it to our partner to do the same in return.

Lay down beside me.