Leaven

“I don’t stand up to anyone.” Her statement startles me in its unabashed delivery. I’m sure it feels like an inescapable truth she proclaims.  And with it I find an appreciation for the comfort she displays as she is unapologetically herself. I imagine she’s kneaded this dough of hesitation and resignation to the point of exhaustion, finally baking it into a self-acceptance she can bite into without tasting any bitterness.  Could she change it?  Sure.  But there’s conviction in her confession.  And I get it.  I’ve been tied to the same apron strings.

This behavior surrounds us; this backing down, or never stepping up:  The professions of loyalty a devoted customer can’t seem to articulate in the presence of her superiors. The right answer lodged in the throat of a team member afraid his thinking might be too far outside the box.  It’s one of the most powerful parables of faith:  A disciple and the denial he makes not one, not two, but three times.

What causes us to keep our dissidence under wraps?  On the surface it appears to be group think. As recently as last night I’m warned, along with my friends, that we’ll fall prey in the game we’re playing, the challenge we’ve accepted to find our way out of a locked room.  We’re told we’ll uncover clues we won’t agree on how to apply, and we’ll lack the independence to consider every option, making discards in favor of the loudest voices.

We can get twisted up in believing we’ll need to fiercely defend our perspective.  Or that speaking up commits us to presenting our case for a ruling. Or that others will think less of us or ostracize us for our beliefs or choices. And so we make the decision to say nothing at all.  We press ourselves up against the wall or slide down a little lower in our seats in hopes we won’t be called out for who we are.

The origins of debate are in respect and freedom of speech, yet somehow over the course of time debate has devolved from a forum for understanding into a contest that must have one winner.  Expressing your opinion isn’t about being right or wrong, it’s about believing you are worthy of having an opinion.

Isn’t not standing up to others really about not standing up to yourself?  Being capable and willing to articulate your beliefs, values and pride in the choices you make demonstrates self-confidence and self-respect. It’s a deficit of self-respect that prevents us from speaking up. It’s simple, really:  When you demand respect from yourself, you’ll have no choice but to find the voice you need to command it from others.

We’re not required to ask for permission to be ourselves, yet many of us fail to live our lives fully waiting in vain for someone to grant it.  The only person preventing you from rising is the only person you control. Are you standing up to her?