Exertion

We’re lying on our yoga mats, inert, after 55 minutes of a low impact, high intensity workout.  This is the part where she tells us to do our favorite stretch, and switches to the soothing music like “Heaven in My Mind,” the song that always makes me cry a little bit. She turns on her voice of inspiration, reminds us that goals are achieved not by dreaming or thinking about them, but by doing.  She asks what action we’re going to take today to bring us one step closer to the goal we have for ourselves.

I’m instantly resuscitated, excited because I have an action I’m taking; a big, bold step I’ve never taken before.  I’m submitting a piece of artwork for consideration for the Resident + Instructor Exhibition at the gallery this month.

 

As I prepare to turn in my piece, thousands of doubts flood my mind.  How will my work compare to everyone else’s?  What if it looks rudimentary?  When I explain what this work is, will anyone understand?  Should I have put the name of the piece in the body of the piece?   Does the framing look professional?  Did I sign my name right?  Will people consider my work to be legitimate art worth showing?  Would anyone ever dream of buying it at the price I’m asking?  Or at any price at all?

I tell myself as I affix a big, fat price tag to my work, that this is a grand experiment.  It’s about having the courage to place value on my creation that is grounded in how much money I’d like to make in return for my investment of time, talent and materials instead of how much I think others will feel it’s worth.  It’s about wanting people to find the medium, the colors, the concept, or the application visually interesting, not whether anyone likes it or hates it.  At the end of the day it’s about putting myself out there.

If we’re moving forward in this life, we’re putting ourselves out there over and over again, countless times in a lifetime.  It never gets any easier for me, especially when it is something as close to my heart as my art is. I rented this studio not just as a place to store my supplies and make art, but to see what could happen when I immersed myself in a vibrant and diverse creative community.  I knew it would be messy for a while and I’d need some time to feel out of my element before I truly feel like I belong.  I’m still not there yet, but this is a step in the right direction, nudging that heaven in my mind out to the world.