I am a navel gazer, a merciless
self-hazer, a sensitive blazer, a sharp razor afraid to shave what doesn’t serve me from my tender, aging skin.
I do this every January. I dedicate some days and nights of this drowsy and bitter cold month to get clear on how I’ll spend the new year upgrading the operating system of my soul, moving a little bit closer to the version I think I’m meant to be; then packaging my fixes in a pocket-size artist’s book I can carry with me for download from any location.
I have always been upward-heading, skin-shedding, water-treading, coating myself in any breading this corporate world expects of its most promising and successful charges.
But it’s different this year. I’m considering the plateau I’ve been camping on for several years. I have always just assumed this would be a weekend stay, a few nights acclimating at base camp, and then onward with my ascent. But the air is getting thinner at this elevation and circumstances are speaking to me in a language I’ve never heard before, a soft whispered question “what if you just stayed put?”
And so I become a ruthless assessor, an inquisitive professor, an emboldened confessor of everything I ever thought I wanted to do better.
After dancing around the idea for months, one sleepless night shows me the goals I’ve been working toward aren’t important to me anymore. Maybe they belong to someone else? My quest to broaden my interests and invest time in them has sent me on a slow but insistent drift from the now faded umbrella I planted in the sand many years ago. I’m in a different place now.
And so I imagine what it might be like to be a tub soaker, a breezy toker, the blessed stoker of the creative fire a higher power ignited decades ago and has waited ever so patiently to see burn brightly.
I’m going to be better at what matters to me, and care less about what doesn’t. I’m going to consider what and who I give my precious time to. I’m going to steep in all that brings me joy so I have joy to return to others. I’m going to gather around me all I find beautiful in this world. I’m going to free myself to be me. I’m going to practice gratitude for a life full of abundance and choice.
I am a stargazer, a herd hazer, a trail blazer, a stinging razor cutting through the great wide open in search of the dark sky where my stars brilliantly shine.
I do this every January. I dedicate some days and nights of this drowsy and bitter cold month to get clear on how I’ll spend the new year upgrading the operating system of my soul, moving a little bit closer to the version I think I’m meant to be; then packaging my fixes in a pocket-size artist’s book I can carry with me for download from any location.
I have always been upward-heading, skin-shedding, water-treading, coating myself in any breading this corporate world expects of its most promising and successful charges.
But it’s different this year. I’m considering the plateau I’ve been camping on for several years. I have always just assumed this would be a weekend stay, a few nights acclimating at base camp, and then onward with my ascent. But the air is getting thinner at this elevation and circumstances are speaking to me in a language I’ve never heard before, a soft whispered question “what if you just stayed put?”
And so I become a ruthless assessor, an inquisitive professor, an emboldened confessor of everything I ever thought I wanted to do better.
After dancing around the idea for months, one sleepless night shows me the goals I’ve been working toward aren’t important to me anymore. Maybe they belong to someone else? My quest to broaden my interests and invest time in them has sent me on a slow but insistent drift from the now faded umbrella I planted in the sand many years ago. I’m in a different place now.
And so I imagine what it might be like to be a tub soaker, a breezy toker, the blessed stoker of the creative fire a higher power ignited decades ago and has waited ever so patiently to see burn brightly.
I’m going to be better at what matters to me, and care less about what doesn’t. I’m going to consider what and who I give my precious time to. I’m going to steep in all that brings me joy so I have joy to return to others. I’m going to gather around me all I find beautiful in this world. I’m going to free myself to be me. I’m going to practice gratitude for a life full of abundance and choice.
I am a stargazer, a herd hazer, a trail blazer, a stinging razor cutting through the great wide open in search of the dark sky where my stars brilliantly shine.
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