Impel

"Power today is about influence rather than control."  So say 81% of the 64,000 people in 13 countries responding to a survey about the qualities of the ideal modern leader.  When you think about it, it feels like society as a whole is moving from control to influence. Maybe it’s the fact that the world is becoming better connected, and as we all work more closely together across the myriad of cultures that circle our globe we need to find new ways to manage the enormous diversity.  Maybe it’s the discovery that when we move out of business unit silos, hierarchal in nature and traditionally control-based, and even reach beyond a given industry, we realize break through innovation that changes the world.

I like to think women are contributing to this shift as well. Little more than a generation ago we were still promising to “obey” our husbands when we took our vows.   As today’s women pursue successful careers, achieve financial independence and are empowered to make their own choices, decidedly feminine traits like “collaboration”, “flexibility” and “selflessness” creep into the vernacular of leadership.  As more women rise to power in corporations and government, we’re becoming a more collaborative society as a whole.  Will this cause influence to someday render control extinct?  

Influence is not an easy concept for many of us.  There are still plenty of leaders who rely on the permission a structured reporting relationship dictates to dole out negative consequences in attempts to drive behavior change.  Years ago when a former manager introduced the concept of managing by influence I had to think about it for a while.  What did he mean someone who is not in my direct reporting line is going to act on what I say?  Obviously this was back in the days before I truly believed I had anything meaningful to say.

Yet while I wasn’t always certain I could exert influence anyone would notice,  when I really consider this leadership philosophy my first tack in driving behavior is always influence, even with those who report to me in such a way that would allow control to be an option. It’s possible I shy away from control because I harbor this fear that if I lay down the law I won’t be loved.  But it’s also equally possible that I favor influence because I’m good at it.  I’ve been told that no one is better at “arranging a conversation” than I am.  Being able to spell out the case for change and explain the benefits in the language of my audience more times than not brings people over to my way of thinking, and preserves the love I’m fraught I’ll lose.

What’s most refreshing for me about influence is it brings a new way to think about how I view myself as a leader.  I’ve lived under the mistaken notion that as a manager or a mother, even a wife, people see me as the woman behind the curtain, operating the strings of the marionettes in my life.  When someone on my team or in my home takes a misstep or can’t get on board with our program, I imagine all eyes are on me:  “Why aren’t you yanking the string to get everyone back in line?”  “If you can’t get control of this situation you must condone it.”  This is the Greek Chorus in my head.

The irony about control is that if we use it exclusively we risk closing the door on influence altogether.  When we expect people to repeatedly act blindly without entertaining their questions, understanding their perspective or listening to their ideas they tune us out. Think sullen teenager who feels like he hears nothing but “no”.  Think member of the team who stops bringing ideas because his manager kills them on the table in favor of her own way of doing things.

While we can, in the short term, control some behavior with the yank of a string, influence acknowledges that lasting change can’t be sustained when dictated; it rests within each individual. It’s the old adage at work:  “You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.”  Successful influencers make certain they have the freshest, purest and coldest water along with an enticing value proposition that compels her to choose to drink.  But at the end of the day it’s up to her.

Influence is not for the faint at heart.  Success comes to those with patience and tenacity, and a little faith.  It takes time and repetition to outline the vision, explain mutual benefits and connect your stakeholders to them.  You need to be engaged and attentive to steer your team in the right direction. You need to understand and accept that despite perfectly arranged conversations and the best water ever sourced, you may still fail to bring someone on board.  That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.  It just means they chose not to drink.

What I love most about my influence is its capacity to reach right inside of others and pull out the greatness that I just know lives inside.  Think about those possibilities.

Read more from Fast Company about the ideal modern leader survey and how leaders around the globe are creating win-win situations with influence.