Progenitor

My maiden name starts with the letter “A”, so whether I like it or not I know a thing or two about going first.  Much of my life I viewed this as a curse, a bad card I had been dealt. This unfortunate branding meant I was perennially in the first row of the classroom when teachers defaulted to a rote seating chart, first in line, first on the attendance or any other list for that matter.  Forever cursing my misfortune, the question I remember running through my head more than once was why couldn’t I have been born into the family with a last name that started with “Z”?  Seriously.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was involuntarily working my leadership muscle. It was painful, especially when alphabetical order was invoked to determine who would be first to read her paper aloud to the class, get down on the floor for push-ups in gym, or some other equally dreadful task this waif-like wallflower believed herself ill-equipped to perform. 

Fast forward too many years to count, and I find myself being sought out to lead. Just this week, I held the kick-off meeting for one steering committee and was asked to lead two more.  Ghosts of my childhood apprehension still linger, in the form of a queasy stomach or a few moments of self-doubt before the calls start, especially when I’m leading colleagues who are more senior than I am.  But I’ve discovered that when I lose myself in the material and focus on getting through our agenda, I don’t have time to freak out about who I’m working with.  Being the leader feels like an occasion to shine or receive accolades instead of asking for criticism or failure.

So how do you make a shift like this?  It’s in the questions.  There is no better way to endear someone to you than to ask for their expertise and listen, really digest, the information they share.  It takes the spotlight, and therefore the pressure, completely off of you.  And you get the best from the people you lead.

The leader doesn’t need to have all of the answers, in fact, she shouldn’t.  If she did, she wouldn’t need her team.  After today’s call I received a message from one of the participants.  She said that I had “facilitated without putting a personal spin on it --- something that is always hard to do!”  Her comment is a testament to my theory; while I tried hard to prepare for the call and to have the answers, in the end all I could do was put out a list of questions knowing that I’d get the most valuable information if I allowed the voices of the team to be heard.

Some of the questions I asked today were hard.  They required admitting to a few shortcomings.  But nothing I asked was something I wasn’t willing to answer myself.  I put my flaws out there, and the ensuing vulnerability from others following my lead was a beautiful sight to behold.   

Sometimes being a leader is nothing more than being willing to go first.