Monday, September 2, 2013

Jaunt

While astronomical summer isnt technically over until September 21st, lots of us tend to fold up the patio furniture and call it at Labor Day.  Partnered with Memorial Day, the two holiday weekends serve as bookends for our summer fun.  We push to the side many of the responsibilities rote in ordinary time to make room for the great outdoors, packing into this time vacations, barbeques, gardening, swimming and the like, made all the more decadent by the long hours of daylight.  I often wonder with such a full life how I create space for something more.

Although I manage to keep up with the blog, posting at respectable intervals, I allow my normal life to be interrupted during these magical fourteen weeks of warm weather to make room for an honest-to-goodness summer romance, the juicy kind that teenaged girls can only dream about.  No, a ghostwriter has not jumped in to author this post; this is really me talking.

So when I come across this piece on maintaining focus in the face of distraction from the ever-empathetic, always authentic and truly human Peter Bregman, I read it in the context of my own thrilling, reckless summer disruption. I am fascinated to discover that in all of the intoxicating excitement someone new brings to my life, I keep my eye on true north (most of the time) by telling myself the very same things Bregman is telling others to address focus at work.  It might seem clinical to connect the two, but I assure you, its not. Seen through my lens, the ideas look like this:

Dating is all about attempting to put yourself in the right box.  This is tricky because in order to be truly happy, you need to be comfortable in someone elses box without changing what is core to you.  Bregman stresses resisting the urge to downplay your strengths, repair your weaknesses, or abandon your passions in order to fit in.  You would think by middle age wed be wise and confident enough not to go there.  But Im here to tell you that engulfed in a steamy haze every one of those thoughts cross my mind this summer.  I need to look hard at what I am willing to alter and what is non-negotiable.

Dating demands experimentation.  To know if you even want to be in this persons box, you need to test drive the things he likes and he needs to do the same for you.  Who knew I could become addicted to green smoothies, drive a Porsche, or bare my soul, because its not only about trying new activities, but initiating intimate conversations.  I learn through finding the courage to speak from my heart that its possible another will truly listen respectfully, despite the fact that he disagrees.

Dating cannot be rushed.  Were all in a race to the finish line, to seek and secure the one.  There are few things requiring more control than attempting to slow the momentum that the passion of a relationship in its nascence fuels. Yet every time I allow myself to slow down and breathe, I find that I am actually able to invest more, to love more than is possible moving at warp speed.

Dating means establishing boundaries, clearly communicating them, and remaining steadfast when they feel like theyre slipping. If I fall down anywhere, its here.  This is where I am most vulnerable.  In my quest to please I will give up a little bit of whats important to me, not always fully able to trust that I can hold my ground and still be loved.
 
Dating, more often than not, means an end.  Im sure some lucky couples hit the jackpot on the first try, but theyre likely a statistical anomaly. Many deem the end of a relationship the equivalent of failure.  I dont see it this way.  Bregman highlights a very important nuance that is the difference between feeling broken and defeated about a dating experience and feeling positive and proud:  Failure informs you about what doesnt work, which can be even more useful than knowing what does. 

In September we lose minutes of daylight at a faster rate than any other time of year, summer annuals are dying out, kids are back at school.  Im looking forward to renewed focus on my art, hard at work on my next submission to The Sketchbook Project. I plan to research how to self-publish a book.  And I want to learn how to row on the water. I have dreams to pursue, time to fill, a chasm to close.

I wouldnt trade my summer hiatus for anything. Where I didnt believe space existed, not in my busy quotidian world, not in my head and especially not in my heart, I discover a capacious opening and allow a new person inside. Thats success in itself.

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