Exhume

Every few months or so I remind myself (vehemently) I’m still not interested in on-line dating.  To many who want to help me find that special someone, I’m sure it seems like I have more excuses than one person could ever conjure up. I’m well aware of how lame I sound when I laugh off farmersonly.com, but really?  I can’t bring myself to fire up any one of the dating pool search engines, and when I read this blog post by Seth Godin about the difference between search and discovery, I think I understand why.

  

“Just google it,” is what I tell my kids all the time.  Anything you’d ever want to know about anything can be found via the bright, shimmering, flashing links of your browser.  More than once I’ve been heard saying I’m more concerned with raising resourceful boys who know how to find information rather than memorize it. It’s all at our fingertips, sometimes even too available.  In fact, as big a fan as I am, I’ve always felt the internet to be a little bit like Las Vegas; loud, boisterous, in-your-face access, more choices than you ever thought possible, yours for the click of a mouse.

 

Searching implies you know exactly what it is you want.  This works really well when you’re talking black platform heels, the lyrics to “Devil Town”, an airline ticket to San Francisco or a recipe for chocolate gingerbread.  But not so well when you want fulfilling employment, a charming vacation house on the beach or a boyfriend.  While we might think we know what we want in these cases, we’re often surprised when we happen upon an ideal job, cottage or relationship that would have never made the cut had we stayed within the boundaries of our search. Some things just need to be discovered, felt, experienced, and no amount of discrete keywording guarantees a superior result.

This is where discovery comes in.   Discovery is finding that special something or someone you didn’t even know you wanted or needed. It’s what happens when we throw our lists away and just live life.  We all think we know exactly what it is we want or need.  This I’m sure is at least part of the reason why we’re a population addicted to the hunt, a society that believes a search engine can be applied successfully to absolutely anything.

Maybe search is a way to stay in our safe places where we can be certain we’ll never choose anything or anyone too far outside the boundaries of acceptability, compatibility or reason we’ve subconsciously set for ourselves?  It makes me question if we search relentlessly because we have so little faith in discovery. 

Or is it we have so little faith in ourselves to recognize and seize what’s made for us when it appears in our path?