Oculus

He’s smiling as he tells me he feels like he has a new lease on life, a fresh start.  I smile with him.  I know this terra firma he’s standing on. He’s been on a sort of forced sabbatical and now that he feels like himself again, better than himself in some ways, he says he needs to decide if he wants to continue on the same path or try something new.  Like most of us when faced with this circumstance, he questions what else he can do.  Without even thinking I correct him.  “It’s not what can you do,” I say, “it’s what do you want to do?”

 

What strikes me as particularly telling are the words we choose.  In a litany of self-imposed limitations and imaginary roadblocks that feel extraordinarily real, we couch our fear of possibility. We do this to ourselves so convincingly, and with the word “can’t” we talk ourselves into believing we’re not able. Yet locked deep inside is that thing we’d love to be doing, along with all the ability we’ll ever need to do it.

Maybe it’s a way to shield ourselves from the humiliation of trying and failing or from perceived judgment by others.  It seems, though, like an odd sort of self-protection, especially when we think about what we’re keeping ourselves from.  Our wildest dreams, whether they include people we want to be with or work we want to accomplish, are places where we feel most like ourselves, where we imagine we’ll be happy, pacific and sated. Why would we let anything get in the way of that?  Is it possible the judgment we fear when we weigh the pros and cons of making big change comes from ourselves?  And so we use our obligations and responsibilities as excuses to stay in a safe dome of practicality, stability, and acceptability we’ve built around ourselves, ever cognizant of the escape hatch shining high above us if only we could fly.

When it comes to our lives, most of us are accustomed to playing small.  Truth is we’re bigger than that, better than that. There will always be reasons not to follow your dreams; don’t you owe it to yourself to make sure you’re not clipping your own wings?