Expunge

A humiliating public speaking nightmare became reality for me during my first-ever presentation on a conference call that’s usually attended by about 90 of my peers.  In an attempt to tailor my talking points to my audience, I made some last minutes changes and ended up losing track in the middle of my very organized script. Stumbling over my words led to a deadly silence that felt like an eternity, followed by more time struggling to get back on track. My face was beet red.  My heart was sick.  This was a moment in the sun for me and I felt burned to a crisp.

Ouch!

Moving beyond an awkward misstep is never easy.  Our first inclination is to want to make the whole thing disappear.  We magnify what went wrong and overlook what went right.  I am particularly adept at beating myself up and throwing the baby out with the bathwater. While I can console and grant others grace, I have trouble applying that practice to myself.

There’s a good chance we’ll falter when we reach for something new.  It’s this risk that prevents many of us from chasing our dreams. 

But there is a really liberating aspect. Mistakes are on the agenda. No one expects you to be able to write a Grammy-winning song the first day you show up for guitar lessons.  Nor complete a marathon the first time your feet hit the pavement. So you give it your best shot and build on the experience. 

The beauty of learning from mistakes is twofold.  Identifying what to do differently next time is helpful in terms of perfecting your skill.  And there is the added benefit of taking your mind off your bruised ego.  The sting is not so fierce when you’re focused on some constructive action you can harness for next time.

It helps to get some perspective, too.  When I mentioned my blunder to a friend who had been on the call, she looked at me wide-eyed, saying she hadn’t noticed.  The skeptic in me thought maybe she was just being nice, but I trust she would not have been able to hide her empathy if I had been truly awful.  Knowing I don’t need to walk around with a paper bag over my head makes it easier to put it behind me.

How you recover from your mistake says more about you than the mistake itself.  Pick yourself up quickly.  Brush off the dirt. Smile.  If tears are going to flow, tell yourself you’ll save them for the car. You’ll at least make it to the parking lot. 

Pay it forward.  You’ll master the skill in time, and likely encounter someone in the future who will be sitting in the shoes you’re in now.  You’ll be able to connect in a really personal way by sharing your story in the form of coaching or comfort to another who will welcome your wisdom.  And while it seems implausible in the moment, you will find humor down the road.

As for me, I’ve talked with a mentor about where I went wrong and found another outlet to practice my presentation skills. Now I’m hoping time will work its magic as it does in the aftermath of childbirth:  A merciful erasure of all recollection of pain leaving me eager to do it again. 

If we’re going to reach our dreams, we need to get out of our safe places and stretch beyond the comfort zone. Getting to the big goals won’t be without challenges.  Think of failures as opportunities to hone your skills, not obstacles, and stay proudly on the path to where you want to go.