Xinku

Maybe it’s the memory of Halloween still so fresh in our minds thanks to the glut of candy I am pushing, but more than one woman at last evening’s book club is unable to conceal the look of fright that crosses her face when it’s suggested we each share with the group what we think our purpose is. It’s all kinds of scary when you think about it:   Deeply personal and difficult to articulate, requiring a confidence and vulnerability many find hard to put into words.

I don’t know if it’s possible to get 100% clear on purpose, but I am impressed with the responses my friends share.  What’s evident is we’ve spent time mulling this over, using successes and failures to help us hone in on where we stand.  For me, I believe I’m here to help others find the person inside and show her to the world.  I think I’m gifted with both the capacity to see in others what makes them strong and the courage to speak what I see out loud.

 

Words are free and so incredibly impactful. You don’t need a license to use them.  We’re all well aware of the devastation of slander. Anymore it seems like it doesn’t even take any evidence to destroy, just a few carelessly placed words.  The half-hearted apology that trails behind can’t even begin to repair the damage.

Words are also a priceless form of recognition. Oddly, it often feels so much harder to use them for good rather than evil. Have you ever noticed how difficult it can be to tell someone something wonderful about them?  It can be highly emotional.  I am committed to sharing what I see with people, and I still find myself welling up at times when I take the opportunity to use my words to make someone feel good.  So lots of us chicken out; we choose innocuous, flat and commonplace words because using words with feelings makes us vulnerable.  Maybe it’s because we know that what’s really behind those words is an admission of love for another?

But think about it.  You can say “nice job” or you can say “I am impressed with your intellect”.  You can say “well done” or you can say “I find your capacity to take complex problems and forge a thoughtful path to solve them is excellent.”

Sure, you have to put yourself out there in order to get really specific with another, but in doing so, you help her see what she brings in a way no other can.  You enable her to find what’s inside and use it to change her world. And if she’s empowered to change her world, she’s guaranteed to somehow change our world.

You might worry that you’re not a linguist, or eloquent.  You might worry there are no words in the English language to perfectly describe what you see. Finesse and precision aren't as important as the emotion behind them.  Positive words are priceless because as humans we all know how incredibly brave you need to be to look another in the eye and say them out loud.

So when I hear: “I encourage you to trust your instincts in how to lead and influence; your instincts are consistently on point,”  I can’t wait to forge ahead with my impossibly ambiguous job, and shed my fear so the real me can be seen.

When we know there is someone else out there brave enough to remind us that we are in fact built for this, we trust ourselves.  And when we trust ourselves, we are unstoppable.